writing is painting.


i remember when i said it's over. when i said it's over could you 'mr-nice-guy' just let me go. don't be like Fury, your ex. you know how does it feel kan ketika lo ada di posisi lo sayang-serius-terus ngerasa tolol-terus lo ditai-tai-in-terus fakdap-terus mo let go tapi lo ditarik ulur buat stay kayak buat jadi koncian aja?

i gave you a chance because i thought 'why not, maybe this time is now' but shit, how could you do it again AFTER i really gave you a fucking chance to prove things?





i mean..
i really don't like how you always bring the expectation. you know expectation leads to disappointment? please dude shut the fuck up. maybe your problem is... you push yourself too hard to in love with me because maybe i'm such a really nice person. i told you, i prefer the ugly truth. but you told me like a very fucking late. can you please don't play with people feelings because you are unsure about yours. like when you say 'i love you. i will come to jakarta. and meet your family.' i feel like a fool to believe that bullshit. harusnya gw nggak dengerin aja segala bacot yang lo bilang dan nanggepin "Oh gitu, ya uda sana ke jakarta ngomong sm emak gw, abis itu gw baru percaya."
ah stupiddddd me, sekolah tinggi tinggi di ibu kota malah di boong2in sama cah alay.



"gw kasian" - "gw ga tau kenapa labil gini" - "semua campur aduk" - "gw kacau" - "gw mau selesai dengan baik-baik" - "gw masih kepikiran dia" - "semua butuh waktu" - "gw kasian"
like dejavu. berkali-kali gw denger kata-kata yang sama dari orang yang sama. gw sekarang dengernya tu jadi kayak kata-kata halus aja gitu dari yg kasarnya "gw ga bisa sama lo tapi ya udah lo ga usah pergi karena lo oke bgt buat dijadiin rebound" dengan rangkaian kata-kata buat ngejaga perasaan gw biar ga sakit-sakit amat gitu dibrengsekin. mungkin begitu.

kan....
i told you so many times.
you don't love me. maybe yet. or will never be in love with me.
but i already love you. i know who you really are. but i'm still in love with you. even when you dance naked on shower, your very annoying snore when you're sleeping next to me, your bad habit like 'oh where's my key', it doesn't even change the way i look at you. i never ask you or push you to become anything that i or people wanted. because i love you is i love ALL about you. all i've been thinking is i just want you to be happy and be there for you everytime you need a shoulder to lie on. that's it. maybe that's love. it's simply as it is. and i know it's stupid to hear.

i forgive you like always but i won't forget the shits.
if you want me to stop this feeling for you, yes, i will. it takes a time to fall to somebody new. but i promise you i will. and once that person comes, i guarantee everything will be disappear. (that's so scorpio thing right? once they turn their back they will never ever look back)




gw bukan anak kecil yang pengen permen terus gimana caranya gw harus dapet permen.
gw ngerti rasanya tu fakdap banget ketika lo menginginkan sesuatu tapi lo nggak bisa dapetin itu. tapi gw bener-bener udah nggak pengen apa-apa lagi sekarang.
gw udah melewati tahap tahap dimana apa yang gw mau nggak selamanya bisa dimiliki. i thanked to my ex from my 6 year relationship, because of him i learn how to fucking grow up in such a good way.

What do you want nda? i just want to be free from this situation.
What makes you so fakdappp nda? i'm stupid.
What do you expect from this guy? Let me go please. let me go.
What do you expect right now for you nda? Falling to somebody that deserve this feeling.



PS : Hi to a little girl from Medan that want him and need him like so much. i know you probably hate me. but i wish you will understand how complicated the situation right now. you can blame me as a bitch or whatever, but seriously, you can't ignore the fact that your boyfriend is a completely motherfucker and full of bullshit. i hope someday you guys can be together without any long fucking distance. peace :)



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The Ugly Book