Destiny?



I once in love with a person who having a high emotional temper, a real gentleman and well-organized guy.
When at first time he threw a fire to me, i'm shocked and could only listening and shut in silence.

6 years been together. I became a good listener and maybe the most calmest girlfriend that he ever had. If i were mad at something i only cry and write. I can't yell at person, especially to him. Because i knew exactly how it feels, so i don't want to be a kind of a person like that.

It suddenly making me realise that because of him, i could becoming a person like who i am right now.

I was a spoiled little girl who always cry behind my mother's back. He made me to learn about independence. How he raise his voice when i was crying because something silly of me like
"YOU FOOL STOP CRYING, THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE TO DO IS GET YOUR SHIT DONE."

without him, i won't be a brave girl. moving here in Bali, far from my parents, and get all the shits done by myself. he always support me that i can always do things better... even when my self said 'i can't' but he always right there, helping me till i can stand by my own feet.

I was lucky to had you as my boyfriend and my big brother. 


Thank you.

For built me to be a good listener so i could be a person who could sits and enjoy every story of people.
Thank you.
For built me to be the one who never lose a shit so i could always be calm with every situation in front of me.
Thank you.
For built me to be neat so i could always organized every shits around me.
Thank you.
For be the very first one of everything. Everything.
So i could reborn to be a better of me, to open my mind widely and to always THINK first before act emotionally.


Leaving you was like walking out from a straight line.
The beginning of a real life.








Then i was in love with a person who has this comfortable smile, a caring person, and a complicated mind.
At first we begins as friends. we share every laugh and tears at the same place. like a lost stars.

1 year been his doormate. Half year as his secondary. And another half year as his (officially) girlfriend.
I'm following his mind on his up-side-down.
I'm aware that i'm a good listener, so i swallow every beautiful words and tears that he gave, which made me learn then to "never trust people easily".

He such a Mr. Nice Guy but in a lot of dark-side (i bet his previous ex knew this)
He shows me how to always care, how to always give. And to sacrifice.
I was a selfish person but with him i'm a selfless.
Cause our relationship is all about understanding HIM for us. (????)
And also with him, i learned how to laugh in sadnesses...
which suddenly... everything made me realise of what myself should deserve.

Without his complicated soul, i won't be wise.
Like how to feel what i really want and do the thing that i need to do.
No matter how bad he treated my feelings, he is the one who bring out the very best of me.
Even tho the moment i lost myself, he's there standing beside me... just watching me drowning with that "i feel sorry"-face.

For every laugh and every pain that we've been through, now i become a person who believe that things won't always lasts forever so it's important to feel enjoy and give the best for every moments in presence.
At least it's better to get disappointed when you already did your best than end-up wondering and dead in regrets.

So yeah. I was lucky to had you as my boyfriend and my lil' brother.
(Even tho you're 3 years older than me. It's right that age is not a point of maturity somehow)


Thank you.
For every situation that you put me through in it cause i could be your mother, sister, a problem solver, a psychologist, a lover, a best friend, a bitch, and the karma. All in one.
You're making me feel proud with myself.
Thank you.
For making me feel weak so then i could learn how to be stronger.
Thank you.
For how much you care about yourself by holding on and play with my feelings, so then i could learn to let go, to leave and love myself first.
Thank you.
For showing me a real pain so then i could know how to be happy for real.


Leaving you was like walking out from a circle.
The beginning of a better me.






------------------------------------------------------------------
God and time won't show you the way if you don't start building your own goddamn door.
Because destiny is not a matter of a chance but a choice.

To live is to learn,
keep wondering but love yourself.
🍻


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