Will you give peace a chance?

“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison.”

— Nelson Mandela



So many unexpectedly things happened. Kalo dari diri saya sendiri ya akhirnya udah nggak into a much drama dan miserable about life lagi sejak udah punya kesibukan yang office hour. Saya sampai juga akhirnya di titik dimana saya dapat menerima segala jatuh bangun jatuh semasa di Bali dan sampai akhirnya harus menetap di Jakarta. Saya sudah gagal dalam banyak hal. Saking ga mau gagal lagi, i forced myself too much which making a wrong situation getting so much worse.
Deep inside my heart i can feel that i trapped in a limbo and it's making me more and more feeling anxious about life cause i literally swallow my pain and i decided to not let it go.

Lain di bibir lain di hati, saya bisa ngomong kasarrrrr banget neh sama orang yang udah nyakitin saya dengan ngeblame dan intimidasi mereka abis-abisan, yang mana juga sikap saya yang seperti itu pada kenyataannya ya nggak akan bikin borok langsung sembuh. It's ok to be emotional or feel angry about something, but I thought it doesn't right to let it breathe inside your body. Cause at some point you deeply realised that the only person who responsible for every wrong situation is you. AND YOU HATE YOURSELF SO MUCH SO YOU CHOSE TO BLAME EVERYTHING TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF. I knew it cause i always questioned everything like, "Kenapa ya kok gini banget? Kenapa ya salah lagi dan salah terus? Kenapa ya kok gue diginiin? Ah masa sih begini, tapi mungkin harus begini, biar bisa jadi begitu." Itu lah isi hati yang sebenarnya. Sorry di line pertama ngomong kayak 'yang udah nyakitin saya' i admit it was so selfish while the truth is i'm the only one who let them in.... and stay.


Forgiveness: The Final Form of Love

Punya hati yang seluas samudera itu bunuh diri. Lo bisa rasain gimana kalo di posisi orang ini, lo ga mo mikirin tapi lo kepikiran, orang dimaafin terus tapi kok ngelunjak malah makin parah, lo udah cuek aja tapi kayak ga bisa boong juga kalo lo masih peduli, lo kasianan, dan itu secara otomatis aja ya karena emang elonya begono dan itu nggak dibuat-buat.

But after all these years, the hurting, the dangerous adventure, the pointless conversation...
one thing I learned about all the failure and all the shits:
I'm just stuck with the idea of love that I create. Maybe i'm just scared? Maybe the older i get the more i feel lonely and i can't handle it? Or maybe it is just what it is? Well idk, all i know is i do responsible to every choice that I made. I've made mistakes but i already did my best. And i forgive me... in the name of self-love and peace.

Ngomong-ngomong soal 'peace'. Funny how people on internet always saying about stuff like "give peace a chance" or something like "i hate war" gitu yang pada kenyataannya sikap dan tutur kata mereka nggak mencerminkan kalo mereka suka sama perdamaian. Will you forgive for love? Cause if you can do it then you really give peace a chance.

Oke, mungkin soal saya dan drama percintaan saya hanya hal kecil. Tersinggung-tersinggung sama komen netizen juga masih masuk hal kecil. But have you ever wonder, how do you forgive the person who killed your son? Do you have that strength? 


Abdul-Munim Sombat Jitmoud hugged the defendant,
Trey Alexander Relford, The man who responsible for his son's death


In 1995, Azim Khamisa's 20-year-old son, Tariq, was delivering a pizza when he was shot to death by a 14-year-old gang member.
This is the picture of Azim Khamisa and Ples Felix (the grandfather of his son Tariq’s killer) Read more


After a tragic car accident took his pregnant wife and two of his children on Feb. 9, 2007,Chris Williams made a commitment to forgive the driver. Read more


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