a lonely soul.

I enjoy my self to go somewhere alone, sometimes meet a stranger, or hanging out with new people and my friends just for listening to their stories or sharing a comfortable silences. I'm not a talk-active person, but when i talk i can talk about everything till you ask me to stop.

One day, i went to the bar alone and met this guy.
And then when we're having a casual conversation, this guy asked me "why don't you hang-out with your friends?"
And i was like "i would when i'd like to."
And then he asked me "don't you feel lonely?"
i only stare his hangover face and look straight to his eyes for a seconds longer... then he drinks his another drink again, light on his cigarettes, pull his messy hairs up and down, then put his hand on his forehead, wink his eyes a moment and then staring back again at me and say "i'm so fucked-up."
and just like that....
he suddenly told me his whole world.


Loneliness is more like a loss of self, a lonely soul, never feel truly happy and satisfied with everyone or everything they've got cause the only problem is they don't really know what they really want and what they really need to do. They're doing a distraction underneath their own pain. They said they're having fun but actually that is not what they really feel. They're laughing but not actually really want to laugh. They afraid to be alone when actually they completely feel lonelyThey're broken but they bury it deep down cause they're too afraid to feel the pain. They cannot be fix because the only person who can help them is themselves, and as long as they cannot understand the concept of how to be selfish without making people feel selfless: everything that they do will only end-up make a new hole... to bury.

start from a simple thing to do,
ask yourself, "are you really happy?"
if you have your hesitation to answer that question so it probably means that you're not doing the right thing from the beginning.

and here's a fact. You can always looking up for things that make you feel free and happy but you'll keep always crave for more like more and more. Why? Why you can't feel satisfied? Cause the problem is you should create your own happiness instead to searching for it into a person or somethings.

Feel it. Every pain or every fucked up shits in your mind, feel it, do not run from it. all the people have their own pain, their own luggage, their own memories that destined them to be a person like they are right now.
I can talk about this because i had been there before. I once run away. I moved my ass to Bali to avoid my problem. i always went to party and get drunk. i even hooked up with my friend, i involved myself to drama and fell in love with a fuck-boy, and then what? at the end i only end up hurting myself. I jumped to a big new hole, a brand new trouble, a new wound.
So then for the new wound, i took my way to face the shit with no rebound.
Yes the struggle is real it takes like more than 4 weeks for me to break free. 1-2 weeks is the hardest moment.
But trust me, it's totally worth the pain. I know it might sound cliche, but seriously, just be brave to feel it, take the truth as the way it is. The wound is easier to get healed if you let the wound open right? 

You will never feel lonely if you knew how to be friends with yourself first. And then you can suddenly break free, you can have a real laugh with your friends and meet a new people with a real conversation. To figuring out what exactly you really want and what you really need to do is one of a big part of growing up and be completely happy.

This is for people who always looking for rebound that only end up with hurting themselves and people feelings. Be happy with yourself first, that's how you can start to see and find out what felt right for you to do.


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