what if, what matters most in this life are the lessons we learn through our suffering?

So, this question is suddenly pop-up in my head like a sudden, out of nowhere. Maybe because I was super bored right now at the office and start wondering when I can start taking my day off to visit a new island or some countries. I was like dramatically starving to take a new journey, knowing the unknown, even my boyfriend told me "Yura, you such a free-spirit. No one can rule your own world like you don't seem to need anyone because you're just happy doing what you want, but sometimes you're just being too much like can be so selfishly don't care about others cause all you wanted to see is only about you and your whole world." That word was choked me for a while, maybe because it might sound more like the truth.

And then now I have memorized all the things that I've been through in my life. Every up-side-down situation that brought me here. I have to be grateful with who I am today and what I have right now. But again, as a human, we always have a thought that enough has never been enough... which that thought brings me anxious somehow. Worrying small things like "what if" or "what's next", sure, we have to plan about what the future will bring. But in some cases, we missed a moment that we have, to embrace it or to feel glad about what we have today, right now.

I mean, you can take a look at the people who be seen like owning everything that we wanted. Example, here's a rich business guy who can make and have anything, travel to anywhere on earth, end up with a beautiful wife and kids, healthy and handsome... settle, he's just like living people dream. But what's then? He wants more.
He wants more power, so he becomes a politician. He expands his business more and more, take any opportunity as much as possible in order to make sure he's 'secure' while in fact, he's not. He's losing the moment to seeing his child growth, he emotionally less attached with a woman that he used to adore, he just fucked up, He creates boundaries from a suffer but he didn't realize he just creates his own. That thing is such a big black hole and all he's trying to do is to fill that hole. He stressed out so he gets high often, get drunk, and play with girls. Doing everything to make himself powerful while in fact he' feels powerless.

At the end what we learn is in our lifetime everyone seeks for the opportunity and avoiding the flaws. Perfection. The less you suffer or the more you suffer to find it, we just won't get it anyway. Cause back again, enough has never been enough. We always talked about 'life after death', heaven is a reward and hell is a punishment. What we missed about that where we live right now, what if the earth was heaven but it gets boring so we take it for granted by creating hell just to get fun?


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